Wanna'know what's wrong with your kids?!Wanna'know why so many of'em are choosing a gun over fists?!Wanna'know why more and more of'em are opting out of the legal job markets and into the illegal ones?!It's not the schools fault.It's not the church's fault.It's not the cops fault.Hell,it ain't even the government's fault,at least not completely.It's your fucking fault!!It's my fucking fault!!It's everybody's fucking fault in this country!!We are the fattest nation on the planet and our kids are the lucky recipients of two centuries of gluttons gone wild.

 

This is Generation XXL.

 

 

 

 

At no other point in the history of this country has it ever weighed so much!!We are an obese nation,figuratively and literally speaking,who's battle cry seems to be " MORE......NOW!! "
Despite the mainstream media's fascination with showing us anorexic skeletons on the red carpet,they don't hesitate to take a break from all that,to lead us into the land of the fast food instant gratifiers.Naturally,they don't use actors who are suffering from the long term effects of living on those very same products . God forbid we'd see a big fat guy eating his second triple bypass burger or be enticed by the sights of busloads of waddling bodies that show up for a free sample,this Tuesday only,of our latest frozen-sugar-laden-caffeine-laced-iced-dogshit at the Double D....and when was the last time you saw one of those Weekly World News sized kids featured shoveling Hostess Twinkies in to his/her mouth like a crack whore on any given Friday night?!Hell,commercials were designed for two things and two things only.To take the most unhealthy concoctions possible and make them more palatable to the drooling masses and to give those clamoring masses a chance to run,and I use that term loosely,to the fridge and gorge themselves on whatever the latest clever series of jingles has led them to believe is the next big thing.And for all of you that claim that you ain't affected by all of those commercials,why is it that most of you know all of the words to the latest product jingles better than you know the words to our National Anthem?!We are constantly encouraged to eat the worst shit imaginable.And we do it with a big fucking smile on our faces!!And before you start to think that I am a fat hater,stop right there.I AM A FAT MAN.Even though I have now officially reached that age where the doctors begin picking away at the list of what I am 'allowed' to eat,I am still a junk food junky.And I also happen to prefer a woman with a little meat on her bones,a Crumb Girl if you will.So,this is not about that.What I really find amazing about this situation is that we are strongly encouraged to slowly destroy ourselves with fast foods every step of the way,every day despite the long term affects on our systems.Could it be that some of the very same companies that sell us the assorted medications to fight the resulting high blood pressure,diabetes,high cholesterol,blood clots and the varied heart,liver,kidney,colon and intestinal problems associated with all this are the very same companies that manufacture the crap responsible for it?!Just a McThought.....you know,like maybe some of the same people who've made all the varied sleeping pills a regular staple of the american diet might also have been turning quite a nice little profit all these years from that other staple of the american diet,Dunkin 'Dough'nuts.....
Now,imagine,for a moment,what would happen if all the remote controls in this country stopped working.That very moment would go down in history as one of those times when you remember exactly what you were doing when it happened.Growing up I heard people talk of the assasination of President Kennedy that way.In college, I remember the space shuttle exploding in that way.And in most recent tragedies I remember exactly where I was when the planes hit on 911.I have a feeling that the loss of remote controls would go down in much the same way and,dare I say,for some,it would be remembered as the greatest tragedy of all time.The day we all had to get up off our big fat fucking lazy asses and change the god damned channel by hand!!Oh,the inhumanities....We have remote controls for everything.Perhaps one day we'll even have a button to push that'll open a device in our fucking couches tha'll give us the convenience of taking a shit without having to miss a minute of Dancing with the Stars!!
From garage door openers to self starting timers on our coffee makers to lights that turn on when you walk into a room,our lives are full of technology designed to make our lives easier,more sedentary.Cell phones and web cams have eliminated the need to ever leave your house should you feel the need to 'reach out and touch someone'.Why bother when 'communicating' is only a mouse click away?!The sales of microwave ovens have surpassed the sales of traditional ovens.Why spend all day slaving over a hot stove when Mrs.VanDeCamp or Jimmy Dean can do it for you in minutes?!Again,I am not against using any of this technology(Except maybe those fucking cellphones.) but,is it any surprise that the kids of this generation are lazier than any generation before them?!Is it any surprise that the only part of their bodies that ever sees any real excercise are their fat little button pushing fingers as they race to beat the next level on whatever the latest video gaming system is?!And is it so surprising that so many of them opt for a gun to deal with the types of problems that used to end with a fistfight?!You sure as hell expend a lot less energy pulling a trigger.And isn't it easier to make scads of cash selling whatever the government doesn't want you to sell rather than punching a clock at some sweaty assed burger joint making minimum wage?!No brainer right?!And therein lies a big part of the problem.The work ain't too difficult and you only need to pick up today's paper to see that the War on Drugs was lost a long time ago and most folks who get busted never see any real jail time anyway.Shit,jailtime adds to their street cred anyway.
My generation was brought up by a generation that still believed in hard work done in the name of making a better life for their kids.My generation also grew up during the introduction of chordless telephones,answering machines and video games.The thing was that most of those items were still viewed as luxury items.Something that had to be worked hard for to obtain.And so the ME generation was infected with a mad to desire to aquire.We still worked our asses off too but,that was mostly because we wanted stuff.Somewhere around the time that we grew up and started having families of our own,all of that technology became cheaper to make and thus easier to obtain.Of course cheaper usually means good for only so long-so,throw it out when it breaks and buy a new one.Gone forever were the days where you heard parents saying they wanted a better life for their kids as such.No,it then mutated into,"I want my kids to have all the things that I didn't".That is the land that gen X inherited with all it's consume or be cosumed attitude.And if Mommy and Daddy were willing to go out and get their shit for'em then,why should they get off their asses and do something.I had an argument with an unnamed relative who,at the tender age of 18,still hadn't worked a day in her short life.I only wanted to know when she was going to show some responsibility and get off her ass and go out and work for the things that she was always bumming money for.Like,cigarettes,beer and weed.The roof over her head and the clothes on her back were a given.Mom and Dad were good sources for that.Along with an army of love sick puppies to provide it whenever she didn't agree with Mommy and Daddy.Her answer was simple,"Why should I,when people will just buy shit for me?!Besides,I wasn't raised that way.".Well,I lost my fucking mind at that point.Both of her parents worked their asses off to "get all the things their kids wanted".Both worked crazy hours,sometmes having two or three jobs at a time,and yet that part went unnoticed.Why??Maybe because she was too busy watching eMpTyV on one of the five idiot boxes in the house.Maybe she was too busy perfecting her skills at Mortal Combat.Maybe she was just too fucking busy enjoying all of her free shit to wonder about where it was coming from.Or,worse yet,maybe Mommy and Daddy were out working so much that she just never saw how fucking burnt out they were when they finally went home long enough to get some rest before their next shift....

And so GENERATION XXL is now being raised by people just like her and the lines of welfare recipients gets longer everyday.When I was a kid,welfare was meant to be a temporary aid to those in need of it.Now,it's almost considered a fucking profession unto itself!!Every new administration we get saddled with every four years talks about the coming welfare reform.From what I've seen it only seems to be reformed to the point of making it fucking easier to become a lifetime recipient.And what kid growing up to see that it pays to stay home popping out puppies is going to want to go out and earn a living.

One place where we've seen some attempts at reform is in our schools.And I'm not talking about that ridiculous 'no child left behind' dogma which seems only to be a nice way of saying,"Let's just dumb it down a little shall we?!".They're finally trying to do something about what the kids are eating at school at least,as they continue to tip the scales way beyond the breaking point.But how fucking sad is that?!These kids ain't turning into mini-sumos by eating junk food at school alone.C'mon now folks,is it really the responsibility of the school department to teach your kids what they should or shouldn't eat.That lack of taking responsibilty seems to be at the center of this whole problem.In many instances the DSS(or any of a number of 'Children's Welfare Services')has intimidated parents into behaving this way as every kid who gets a good well deserved smack in the mouth,or hears the word 'no',can get them in a world of shit with the simple mention of child abuse.Parents are afraid to be parents!!These are also the same fucks who toss labels like Attention Deficit Disorder and BiPolar Disorder around like free condoms at a planned parenthood clinic(if only it were that simple).They're 'acting out' and so on.Nobody is to blaim then.Certainly not the parents,until they figure out a way to punish them for bad genetic codes.And so,kids get another reason to run wild and do whatever the fuck they want.Because it's not their fucking fault either,they were just born that way!!And parents get another way to shirk their responsibilities.

"Poor little Timmy just punched out his sister for no apparent reason.....he must've been acting out again because we couldn't afford to get him those three hundred dollar shoes that all of his friends are wearing this week...let's give him a time out and let him think about what he's done while we take his sister to the Emergency Room for some stitches.I bet you that by the time we get back he'll be himself again and be really really sorry.Maybe we can stop and get him some ice cream on the way...."

"And I want a new cellphone to replace the one I just broke beating her with!!"

"O.K.Honey!!Now we really shouldn't be gone long but if you get hungry there's a microwave pizza in the freezer just like you like and some fresh ice cold cola..."

"COLA??Are you kidding me??I told you I want Coke or Pepsi!!None of that generic store brand crap!!"

"Sorry Honey.We'll stop for that too while we're out.....and could you take the dog out if you have a chance?!"

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!THERE'S A STARGATE MARATHON ON THE SCIFI CHANNEL!!"

"Oh,sorry,nevermind......now Sweetie,before we go to the hospital would you sign this deposition that says that your brother did this to you and not us...never can be too careful...."

"O.K. Mommy.....but can I have a cellphone too?!"

"Oh,of course silly....you're just like your brother!!"

Mom,Dad and Suzie all laugh and drive off into the sunset in their brand new conversion van that the state helped pay for so that they could install a chair lift to get their kid's bloated carcasses in.

Ah well,who knows.Maybe Generation XXL will grow up so rotund they'll be too immobile to breed.I suppose that's one way to reform the welfare system.....