Can
Dogs
Smell
Embarassment?
17-03-2007 by theartdonor.
I've heard people say that
dogs can smell fear.
I don't know if that's true, but I'm pretty sure
my dog could smell embarassment. Kutia and I went
for a long walk around the block. She sniffed her
way past Chester the Molester's house, past the
deaf family's house, up the big hill past the
people who refused to cut their grass, past the
cat lady's house, and past the people who kept
their garage door open all day, everyday. We made
it all the way to the house of the only
attractive girl that lived in the neighborhood.
There were balloons on her mailbox, and the yard
was full of people, coolers, and lawnchairs.
I saw her and she was looking particularly radiant
in a neon pink eighties dress. She came over, smiled,
and petted the dog. Now, people will tell you that
cute dogs are a good way to get the attention of
women. But I gained the attention of her entire
family, when the dog took a ten-minute diahhrea
shit over 3 segments of sidewalk.
The people in the
yard looked horrified and an
old woman threatened me with her fist and yelled,
"You'd better clean that up." I avoided eye-contact,
muttered something about coming back, and then ran
away with the dog in tow. The dog and I ran all
the way home. I put the dog in the house, grabbed
a grocery bag, and the shit shovel. I got on my new
24-inch ten speed and rode back past Chester the
Molester's house, past the deaf family's house, up
the big hill past the people who refused to cut their
grass . . . all the way to scene of the crime. As I
popped the kickstand on my bike, I could tell that
everyone was glaring at me. As I agitated the hot
feces with a sandbox shovel, the old woman just kept
nodding her head. Five minutes later, I left with the
plastic bag of shit tied to the handlebars of my bike.
The more I thought about what happened the more mad I got.
I pedaled faster. I pictured that old woman smiling and
nodding as I scraped the shit. I pedaled even faster.
I flew down the hill, still pedaling. I leaned in and
took the turn at an amazing speed. The thin plastic bag
exploded when it touched the tire spokes.
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